Writing on Being a Lesbian in the US Military...

Wow...the journey of producing the DADT Novel has been awesome! I knew I wanted to write and tell my story years ago but I wasn't exactly sure how or when it would come to fruition. When I joined the military several years ago it was very painful to lie on my application about being a homosexual; however, I knew the policy at the time and I knew the military was the best option for me and my present circumstances. When the don't ask, don't tell policy was implemented by the military I initially felt somewhat vindicated/validated (if that makes sense). However, one day I decided to actually read the verbiage in the policy and I realized that I still had no freedom or option to be myself. Subsequently, I continued to live and serve in secrecy.

Even when it looked like the don't ask, don't tell policy would be repealed, I think I had lived in secrecy so long that it became a part of my lifestyle. I was also afraid. Afraid of coming out to the very people I'd been hiding from for many years; my peers, subordinates, and superiors. I was also (still am) fearful of the possibility that I along with other gay and lesbian service members would face challenges as a result of the repeal of DADT. That's why I felt the policy should not have been lifted prior to congress establishing a policy and long term strategic implementation plan.

The training, to date, has been substandard, in my opinion, for the reserves. From what I hear, its being taken very seriously in the active duty environment. The reserves often trails behind the active duty in policy and budget implementation and perhaps that will be the case with the don't ask, don't tell repeal. I hope not.

I've been writing this novel during the entire period of debate about the repeal. I've gained a great deal of internal freedom simply putting my story together. I've also been humbled by the number of people who have encouraged me to continue on this journey because its one that will impact thousands, if not millions of people, military and civilian alike. I know this is a part of God's plan for me. Though writing the novel and being a lesbian service member has (and will continue to) caused me additional struggle, it is all worth it if it helps pave the way for one service member, one gay or lesbian child or adult who has ever contemplated his or her self worth, or simply opened the eyes of a parent of a gay or lesbian person.

I am grateful and humbled that God chose me to deliver such a life changing message. To God Be the Glory!