All I Want for Christmas... Is Equality in the US and US Military

Happy Holidays!!! 

I hope this finds you all in wonderful, cheerful spirits.  I wanted to take this moment to bring to your attention some issues pertinent to LGBTQ people around the globe.  As we all prepare to take time off work and celebrate the season with our loved ones, let’s remain strong and united in the struggle for human rights. 

Hate does not take a holiday.  Neither should love and equality.  Presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich has joined other hate mongers in signing the anti-gay marriage vow and LGBTQ Puerto Ricans stand to lose their protection under current hate crime laws.

When you prepare your year-end gifts, please take a moment to support, monetarily or otherwise, those people and organizations that continuously fight for your rights.  If you’re at a loss, start with the Human Rights Campaign (@HRC).

And if you, like many others, find yourself alone or with non-traditional “family” for the holidays, don’t fret!  Be thankful for the people and things you do have, say a prayer for those who have even less, and make the most of the season. 

When life hands you lemons, make(lemon-flavored) eggnog!

‘Tis the season to be loving!

I am NOT a VICTIM!!! I am a SURVIVOR!!!

Yesterday I realized the significance and importance of declaring that I am a survivor and NOT a victim! During my therapy session, as I discussed the Sandusky case and how the news took me back to the time when I was abused, i struggled with finding a term to reference when discussing how I felt. During the exchange with my psychologist, I realized that the term survivor "feels" much better than the term victim.

I read @goldietaylor's posts over the last several days as she revealed that she had been sexually abused by a high school football coach. One of her tweets mentioned that she never wanted to be considered "a victim." I can totally relate because I feel the same way. Though its hard to explain, I don't consider myself a victim of child sex abuse. I do, however, consider myself a survivor. some may say its minor definition and meaning. I disagree.

There is something to be said about a "survivor" versus a "victim." I personally prefer the former. I at least gives me peace of mind knowing that I made it through and over that horrific time in my life. It allows me to express myself to others knowing they can survive such situations also. I hope the children involved in the current sex abuse cases realize they are survivors and that they are worthy of surviving. They have a story to tell as do many others who have experienced the same.

Have you or anyone you know been involved in a child abuse situation? If so, have you overcome the situation? How did you overcome? If not, what do you feel is holding you back from overcoming that situation?

Be Blessed,

DADT Story

Audacity of a Sex Abuser (Sandusky)!

Last night when I listened to the Sandusky interview it took me back to the day I confronted my abuser. I can remember the look on his face when he said, "I'm not saying you are not telling the truth, but..." And so goes the story... I immediately cut him off and finished what I'd come to do, confront him, forgive him, and release him to the universe and God. That confrontation was something I'd prayed about for years and finally had the courage and strength to face my abuser.

Of course Sandusky is innocent until proven guilty (in a court of law). However, his candid denial of any wrong doings leads me to believe he is guilty (based on my personal experience). If he is, in fact, guilty he just re-assaulted all those innocent children by denying his actions. Why would a child (so many children) make up such stories? Why would adults make accusations about horrible things this man did to helpless children?

In the end, the denial matters not. What matters are the children (families) and their well being. I say to the children, be strong and courageous. Confront and release (if and when you can). Don't let the predator have the power or get the victory.

Be Blessed,

DADT Story

Shhh...Maybe DADT will quietly go away...

Haven't heard much about DADT and the repeal lately? Me either! Its been a quiet transition to life after the repeal of DADT. On one hand, it seems senior leaders may have anticipated a flurry of gay military service personnel posting pictures of girlfriends and boyfriends. It seems to be quite the opposite.

On the other hand, many gay service members are, plainly, frightened that the repeal may be "repealed." After all, legislation can be changed as we've recently witnessed. I personally haven't changed a thing. The way I do business is the way I do business. I have always been a very private person and have no desire to post pictures or share my partner with the military. Perhaps its because I'm a little older and joined the military prior to DADT. Perhaps I've grown accustomed to hiding who I really am. Or perhaps, it really didn't make a difference in the first place.

One change that's missing, in my opinion, is the access to benefits for gay, lesbian, and transgender service member's partners and spouses. If we are to get to a point of inclusion and transparency for LGBT service members, the military must provide access to the same benefits as heterosexual service members.

While many individuals are of the mindset that LGBT service members should simply be happy with the repeal of DADT, there are many people who are fighting for additional rights and benefits as well.

One can only hope and pray that the US military will continue to evolve.

DADT Story

Why must it be "us" vs "them" in the LBGT community?

I tweeted a quote by Joel Osteen this morning and received a response asking if I knew about Osteen's homophobia beliefs (I'm summarizing). My response, "yes!" And?

Why must it be "us" against "them" in the LGBT community; especially as it relates to Christ? Did Christ not say we are to love our neighbors as the foremost commandment? Perhaps I'm a bit naive, but I don't have any problems with Osteen or any other homophobic person or entity. In fact, these individuals provide and opportunity for me (and others) to live a Christ like (centered) life.

How can we shun others or speak ill of them just because they don't agree with our opinions? In my opinion, Christianity is about moving beyond our personal beliefs and interpretations of scripture to a spiritual place where we overcome the physical.

I understand the person's comment about Osteen and I appreciate it as I do the opinions of others. Again, this is an opportunity to agree to disagree in love. :)

Lets get rid of the "us" versus "them" mentality in our community and rise above the obvious.

Just my thoughts...

High & Tight US Military DADT Dyke!

So...DADT has been repealed. Awesome! HOWEVER, it now seems some military members suffer increased scrutiny because of their "perceived" or even overt sexual orientation.

I personally have experienced greater "visibility" since the repeal took effect. I recently attended a reserve weekend and was approached about my hair on more than one occasion. Now, I do my best to stay within the regulations; especially dress and appearance. I particularly stay within the regulations when it comes to my hair and uniform because that's just the way I am and have always been.

I digressed...I was recently approached about my hair cut. Now, I wear what could be perceived as a "high and tight" cut. However, its actually a nice "fade" with a few curls on the top (sure to be within the one-inch requirement). I must say I had a buzz cut over the summer that "may" not have been within the regulations. I'm a reservist so I try to make sure I have the "right look" when duty calls. This past weekend was a bit odd... A male service member approached me about my haircut...someone whom I have few words with otherwise. I am a service member who has no problem with being corrected or even correcting someone; especially on dress and appearance. Its the right thing to do. However, after being approached more than once and being told my hair cut was a "high & tight" when it clearly wasn't, made me wonder, "whats really going on?"

My gut told me it was much more at hand than my hair cut. In fact, I know there was much more. I know this because this was one of many things I've been confronted about since the repeal of DADT. Not to mention I take issue with the fact that women have different requirements when it comes to the length of their hair. That's another blog for another night. My issue is that now every female with a "fade" or a "high and tight" hair cut may be harassed about their hair when it really has nothing to do with dress and appearance.

In my opinion, its about the DADT repeal and LGBT service members serving openly. Some individuals will find and do whatever they can to prevent success of the repeal.

Just my thoughts...

LGBT Soldiers and Troops Have NO Protective Voice in the US Military after DADT Repeal

Interesting meeting yesterday regarding the DADT repeal and the path for LGBT soldiers and troops...

It seems there is no recourse for service members who are discriminated against based on their sexual orientation. I was told there are avenues for civilian personnel working on base but not for military members. That is, simply put, a shame.

I've communicated to several people that I wasn't for the repeal of DADT and most would question my rationale. Well, this is one reason I didn't think it was a good idea to do right now. Don't get me wrong, its great that LGBT service members will now be able to serve openly and discuss their partners. However, what happens to the solder who happens to get "the beat down" from one of his peers in the field in Afghanistan because he is a known homosexual? Who does he turn to? What if his commander or someone in his chain of command is the offender. What if the individuals in his chain of command have religious beliefs that cause him or her to overlook the issue?

It seems obvious to me that this is something critical that should have been worked out over the past several months while the military was assessing the "readiness impact" of the DADT repeal. Perhaps it did so and I missed that training or survey.

Bottom line, we need recourse, we need support, and we need a path for protection. Strategies must be put in place to address all the potential negative impacts of the DADT repeal. We can't have service members coming out (or being outed) and not have the necessary support in place to provide for our soldiers and troops.

We need to let congress know that we want and need these benefits (and many more) as we move forward with the repeal of DADT.

DADT Story

Writing on Being a Lesbian in the US Military...

Wow...the journey of producing the DADT Novel has been awesome! I knew I wanted to write and tell my story years ago but I wasn't exactly sure how or when it would come to fruition. When I joined the military several years ago it was very painful to lie on my application about being a homosexual; however, I knew the policy at the time and I knew the military was the best option for me and my present circumstances. When the don't ask, don't tell policy was implemented by the military I initially felt somewhat vindicated/validated (if that makes sense). However, one day I decided to actually read the verbiage in the policy and I realized that I still had no freedom or option to be myself. Subsequently, I continued to live and serve in secrecy.

Even when it looked like the don't ask, don't tell policy would be repealed, I think I had lived in secrecy so long that it became a part of my lifestyle. I was also afraid. Afraid of coming out to the very people I'd been hiding from for many years; my peers, subordinates, and superiors. I was also (still am) fearful of the possibility that I along with other gay and lesbian service members would face challenges as a result of the repeal of DADT. That's why I felt the policy should not have been lifted prior to congress establishing a policy and long term strategic implementation plan.

The training, to date, has been substandard, in my opinion, for the reserves. From what I hear, its being taken very seriously in the active duty environment. The reserves often trails behind the active duty in policy and budget implementation and perhaps that will be the case with the don't ask, don't tell repeal. I hope not.

I've been writing this novel during the entire period of debate about the repeal. I've gained a great deal of internal freedom simply putting my story together. I've also been humbled by the number of people who have encouraged me to continue on this journey because its one that will impact thousands, if not millions of people, military and civilian alike. I know this is a part of God's plan for me. Though writing the novel and being a lesbian service member has (and will continue to) caused me additional struggle, it is all worth it if it helps pave the way for one service member, one gay or lesbian child or adult who has ever contemplated his or her self worth, or simply opened the eyes of a parent of a gay or lesbian person.

I am grateful and humbled that God chose me to deliver such a life changing message. To God Be the Glory! 

Republican amendment unlikely to delay DADT repeal - News - Stripes

Republican amendment unlikely to delay DADT repeal - News - Stripes

DADT Would Like to Share this Article With You! Stay tuned for a "Didn't Ask, Didn't Tell" Blog post coming soon.....

President Obama Should Head Home! NOW!!!

I support President Obama in everything he does; he is my Commander In Chief!

However, I really believe he should end his trip to Europe and head home immediately. There is nothing like the leader being absent during a natural catastrophe. Remember Katrina? Remember how people reacted to the time it took President Bush to get to new Orleans? Will President Obama receive that same criticism?

Perhaps I missed it but I haven't seen anyone from the white house senior leadership in Joplin since the storms hit. I did see where the FEMA representative went to Joplin (as a representative for the President); however, that's simply not the same. Its a bit distasteful for the news and other media outlets to show President Obama toasting to his Irish roots when the death toll continues to rise in Joplin.

Subsequently, I believe President Obama should get on Air Force One and head directly to the nearest flight line where he can land closest to Joplin.

Sexual Abuse, Homosexuality, And The Black Community

This past week Don Lemon effectively "outed" himself on national television.

I just watched his interview with Dr. Drew on HLN, and Mr. Lemon discussed his childhood and the sexual abuse he experienced growing up. While I was disappointed to hear Mr. Lemon say his book is actually NOT about his coming out, but more about his journey to "success," I applaud him, nonetheless. The fact that he's playing a key role in starting the discussion about such controversial topics is what  is relative at this juncture.

Interestingly, I just finished reviewing/editing the first two chapters of my book, Didn't Ask, Didn't Tell™ (©2010) which is my memoir and I discuss the many instances of DADT that occurred throughout my life to include serving the military in the "closet."

What I found particularly interesting while watching HLN this evening was the discussion between Mr. Lemon and Dr. Drew concerning the Black community and the discussion (or lack thereof) of homosexuality and sexual abuse. I too, am a victim of sexual abuse and I, sadly, have to concur with Mr. Lemon. The Black community does not openly discuss either sexual abuse or homosexuality in a healthy manner. Though there is much blame and finger-pointing, the environment for healthy and open debate is, in my opinion, nonexistent.

I actually discuss sexual abuse and my horrifying experience in my upcoming novel. I reflect on the fact that I now think my failure to deal with my sexual abuse has impacted me mentally, physically, and spiritually, over the past several years. The sad thing is the Black community (speaking in very general terms) often relates homosexuality and sexual abuse, suggesting the former is caused by the latter. The Black community is doing itself a great dis-service.

Though two very different topics, sexual abuse and homosexuality are often inter-related, especially when people are trying to find "blame" for one's sexual preference. However, as Mr. Lemon has mentioned in his TV interviews recently, the two topics are not related for some homosexuals. I'm not a professional and I dare not attempt to suggest whether there is a correlation between the two.

What I will do, however, is challenge the Black community to begin to have an open dialogue about sexual abuse and homosexuality. This discussion (not debate) should take place in the community, churches, and other professional organizations.

As I tweeted a few days ago, I applaud Don Lemon for "outing" himself in such an open forum. He has opened the door for discussion and truth.

Osama Bin Laden's Capture and Killing...

My thoughts on the capture of OBL...

It actually disappointmented me to see people cheering in the streets of DC last night. I felt a bit numb about the situation, I guess. From a strategic perspective, it doesn't, in my opinion, deter, reduce, or prevent terrorism. In fact, I think it exacerbates the tension right now. Rest assured that over the last 10 years, at least 100 OBL's have been nurtured.

Though it may seem a victory in some people's eyes, its actually very serious for military personnel. Our force protection level was raised around the world at all military bases yesterday morning. I had no idea why but wondered. Of course, nothing I could share with any of my civilian friends or family at the time. His death probably comforts people who experienced personal loss on 9/11; however, it provides an opportunity for terrorist groups to begin plans for retaliation. I, unfortunately, think that's inevitable. I hope I'm wrong.

I think its a time for prayer, not celebration.

Blessings,

DADT Novel

"The Judas Effect"

Recently Bishop OC Allen (thevisionchurch.org) mentioned the fact that Judas played a key role in the life and subsequent death of Jesus Christ. Until I heard Bishop speak and teach on Judas' purpose, I had a different take on negative people in my path. I never fully understood their purpose. However when looking at it from the 'Judas Effect' perspective, things look totally different.

When I think about the recent commentary I wrote on the US military and how racism and sexism still exist, I now realize that the Judas' in my life are real and necessary for my growth and advancement. I tweeted a few days ago about how I think President Obama should continue to allow God to 'expose' his footstools. The specific footstool I'm referencing is that of Donald Trump.

Donald Trump's display of ignorance and hatred (in a timely and likely failed attempt to gain the stature equal to that of our President) will ultimately play a part in the advancement our current Commander In Chief, President Barack Obama. Mr. Trump, in my humble opinion, is President Obama's 'Judas.' President Obama's growth and advancement, as a result of the short lived negativism from Donald Trump, is what I consider to be 'The Judas Effect.'

Be Blessed,

DADTNovel

US Military

Today I was reminded of the fact that discrimination and racism still exists in the US Military. Though much less overt, the harsh reality is alive and well today and unfortunately reminds me of the days when I was a Private in the Army over 20 years ago.
This reality is similar to the debate regarding gays and lesbians serving in the US military. I have many opinions on this topic and I will share them over the next several months as I continue on my journey of documenting and publishing the DADT Novel over the next several months.
One of the purposes of this blog site is to provide an open forum for discussion on gays serving openly in the military. I hope you will take this journey with me and provide your opinions; whether good, bad, or indifferent.
Blessings,
DADTNovel

Welcome To Didnt Ask, Didn't Tell Blog Site

Welcome to DADT, "Didn't Ask, Didn't Tell" !!